***Note: this post ranked 87th worldwide for all blogs tracked by IceRocket***
You'd think that PuppetMaster (the dude) and I (the babe), would have little to complain about. We're attractive, funny and smart and manage to meet a lot of high-quality people online and in person. We're "people people."
And it's a curse we've both complained about this week, I tell ya!
All too often---in fact, most of the time---the initial enthusiasm turns into something initially a little clingy. Then somewhat needy. Then outright desperate.
So we run. And we're frustrated enough to tell you why:
1. After four hours, you follow up two unanswered emails with two more text messages and an unanswered phone call and finally settle for adding him as Facebook "friend."
2. You tell us you are buying tickets to a concert that is four months away, even though we haven't officially had a first date, yet.
3. You call "just to hear my voice on my answering machine." Twice a day. Daily.
4. You show up for your date 90 minutes early. At our homes.
5. After not hearing back from your barrage of emails, phone messages and text messages, you start stalking us online, becoming paranoid if you see that we have been on the dating site recently, even though you know that we are regularly on the site collecting writing material.
And it's a curse we've both complained about this week, I tell ya!
All too often---in fact, most of the time---the initial enthusiasm turns into something initially a little clingy. Then somewhat needy. Then outright desperate.
So we run. And we're frustrated enough to tell you why:
1. After four hours, you follow up two unanswered emails with two more text messages and an unanswered phone call and finally settle for adding him as Facebook "friend."
2. You tell us you are buying tickets to a concert that is four months away, even though we haven't officially had a first date, yet.
3. You call "just to hear my voice on my answering machine." Twice a day. Daily.
4. You show up for your date 90 minutes early. At our homes.
5. After not hearing back from your barrage of emails, phone messages and text messages, you start stalking us online, becoming paranoid if you see that we have been on the dating site recently, even though you know that we are regularly on the site collecting writing material.
6. You watch our blogs for a new post, then become insulted that we have used our time to do anything other than call you.
7. You start calling our friends. Or sending emails to our family members. (Yikes!)
8. You stalk our Meetup pages to see who has posted Shouts at us lately, and to find out which RSVPs we have accepted, and start worrying that we are secretly seeing some other person in the group.
9. You start scrolling through our LinkedIn profiles, worrying that any new person we've added as a contact is a new boyfriend or girlfriend. Anyone with an attractive picture is suspect.
10. You try to get us to respond to bargaining. Can't we work on it? Can't we start over? Can't we get together today--just as friends?
11. You start worrying that blogs like this are about you. But you'll be happy to know you are in good company with others.
So stop smothering the flames, you daters! Fire needs oxygen. And those of you who can learn to be cool sometimes get another chance down the road. Just read a little David DeAngelo or Christian Carter, and you'll get your game back.
5 comments:
Hm. I several cases, it sounds like You decided to stop dating/ broke it off with the other person WITHOUT bothering to let them know. Sounds to me like you're part of the problem. Part of adult dating behavior is being upfront when it's over. (In the back of your head, were you really only dating this peron while you were looking for something better?- Yeah people can smell that- sometimes not consciously, but those with less willpower- and other problems- will act on it by chasing you down. Only those who are conscious of it & have good self-efficacy will shut you down). Not to mention, you seem to share the same impulses as the people you complain about. Maybe you don't act on them ALL the time, but really you sound the same.
You watch our blogs for a new post, then become insulted that we have used our time to do anything other than call you.
What I want to know is how does the victim of these behaviors react? As the person above mentioned, how is the stalker supposed to know when to call it off or hold it in? I think that a lot of less-experienced daters doubt the warning signals given off by the subject of their affection. How do you know when to tone it down and does that mean there is no hope or just to chill and see what happens. I think that part of the problem is that some people don't like open-vague relationships. They want closure and to know the status, or else they feel stressed. I don't think that is bad, though I see how it can be annoying. But the other person can do more to be upfront, even if that is, "I need some space right now." If they keep bothering you then, then you know that they are weird.
I liked this a lot - many of your others too!!
heard of Catch Him and Keep Him? it's dating advice for women - we've got plenty of information on our site
I bet it would scare me away too! Easing into a relationship is about ensuring that there is plenty of space for the two of you to get to know one another and trust that you're right for one another. If you try too soon to "make" something more out of your relationship than it already is, premature pushiness can scare him away and spoil what is 'there' to be a good thing. Instead, practice patience and realize that it takes time to nurture a solid and enduring relationship.
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