Online dating and Internet-based social networks (such as Meetup.com), have given singles unprecedented opportunities to meet plenty of new people. Just login into the sites, and you'll have access to 40 million singles---half of all those in the US.
The sites don't offer just quantity, either. With search filters, you can narrow it down to a sizable pool of dream dates in seconds. Got a hole in the schedule? Go online and you can fill it in minutes.
So given all of this technology and all of the choices at our fingertips, why are you still spending hours glued to your computer screen and not getting anywhere with the babes and the dudes?
Online dating research experts think it's not them, but it's YOU. You've come to expect that this is all a numbers game and that the technology will eventually lead you to the perfect match. And it's the inflated expectations you have that lead to your insanity---going back for date after date and expecting someone better. Not being happy with the one you are with because there are 50 more on your wait list to churn through before you can relax.
Or even worse: the babes with the qualities you like want nothing to do with you. While we can't help you if you are truly a mess, here are some things you need to know to make sure you aren't blowing it on the details. These insights were gleaned from empirical research performed at the University of California at Berkeley, which has a whole departmental effort around the study of online dating:
1. LESS is MORE when it comes to profiles. The researchers have discovered that the more details you include in your profile, the more likely you will get a low response, because details are usually more TURN-OFFS than TURN-ONS. (Especially since most of those details are LIES). That said, those who are highly descriptive will find that the few who do contact them will generally be much more compatible.
2. MASCULINITY is the number-one predictor of "attractiveness" for women looking for men, when they see all of your profile: the photo, the fixed-choice answers and the freestyle essay. That said, there is a bit of a hitch: if you look slightly more feminine in your photo, it helps, but your essay needs to let 'em know you aren't gay. A nice metrosexual look is probably what they are going for.
3. EXTROVERSION is the number-one predictor of "attractiveness" for men looking for women when they see the whole profile. (They must think the extroverts put out more easily, don't you think?) And extroversion is a tie-breaker quality that women look for in men. So don't be so damned shy!
4. TRUSTWORTHINESS is the number-one thing women look for in a man's photo. So nix those shots of you with the two dozen beer bottles and the bimbo on your arm, dude! Throw away the shot with the cigar, sunglasses and smug little smirk. Genuineness and trustworthiness are those most important factors in your essay, too. So don't come across like a player or a smart-ass.
5. SELF-ESTEEM is the number-one thing men look for in a woman's photo. So ladies, trash-can those bedroom lingerie shots (or save them for Adult Friend Finder or Craigslist). They ain't helping you.
6. FEMININITY is the number-one thing men look for in a woman's essay. So quit talking about how you love football and hunting and are "just one of the boys." The last thing he wants to do with you is take you fishing, believe me. He has other things on his mind for you. That said, don't talk about your goofy girly hobbies, like scrapbooking. He definitely does NOT want to scrapbook with you.
7. THE PHOTO is the MOST important part of the profile for both men and women. You have to nail it with a great picture. If you include a dorky shot of you holding the camera into the bathroom mirror, you are doomed. Ask your opposite-sex friends to take your photo and choose the best one. And that one in which you wear your work uniform? Absolutely NOT!
8. BUT THE PHOTO ISN'T ENOUGH. You must also have a great essay. Don't know what to say? Contact me at this site and I'll make it over for you. (Seriously. I get fan mail for my profile writing.)
And remember, set your damned expectations appropriately. Everyone inflates their profiles. And as always, watch out for anyone asking you for money. (Well, except me, of course!)
4 comments:
I think he kinda looks like your best bud, don't you, PuppetMaster?
Eh, screw the "research" and the "facts." The stuff I could learn about the ladies from this dude could fill a dissertation!
Useful info ,thanks!
Oh YEAH! Don’t Post Pictures of Yourself Without Your Shirt On! Just because you wish women did it doesn’t mean you should. Even if you have abs that can cut diamonds, women find it crude and can’t see past the fact that you’re basically posing for her approval.
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