By PuppetMaster
With everything going up these days, here are some tips to keep down the price of pursuing your prince or princess!
1. Samplings. Go to a wine shop or grocery store during wine and food samplings. After you get loaded, swing by a furniture store and get busy on one of the sofas in the back. It'll create cherished memories for everyone, including the security guy.
2. Movies. Instead of going out, rent a DVD. Better still, if it's one you've seen before, skip the rental and just annoy him or her by quoting lines from it until they either lead you to the bedroom or throw you out.
3. Wine. Sneak a bottle into the restaurant and take turns discretely slipping away to the bathroom to take swigs from a paper bag.
4. Brunch. Forgo that frilly meal with the linen tablecloth in favor of a simple, protein-rich blow job.
5. Sex toys. Make your own! Fido's gone to doggy heaven and won't be using that collar or leash anytime soon!
6. Exercise. Go for long, rambling walks for long, rambling conversations that bring up contentious subjects you might never have discussed until the much, much later. And you'll save even more money by calling it quits sooner!
7. Dessert. Offer to to split a dessert four ways with the couple next to you. In addition to the nice conversation, you might be able to hook up with one of them if it does work out with your date.
8. Volunteer date. Get the warm fuzzies by volunteering together to serve dinner at a homeless shelter. You'll get a hot meal and may even be able to score some killer weed.
9. Flowers. Drive by the flower shop dumpster after closing for slightly expired bouquets. Be sure to remove any used syringes or condoms from the arrangements so you don't dampen the effect.
10. Health care. Your fifth test maybe free! Inquire at your friendly STD clinic whether they have a loyalty program with a punch card or key fob.
11. Bathing. Save on spendy soap and water by going "old school" with your hygiene and showering once a week. Besides, it's important that they learn to appreciate you for what's inside...
12. Cell phone. That expensive plan is killing you! Instead of texting, send flirtatious smoke signals while burning all your old love letters.
13. Dating services. Do away with pricey dating services and look for dates at more conventional venues, like churches, grocery stores, and wayside restrooms.
14. Cologne/perfume. Make it yourself! How hard could it be?
15. Reuse. The Egyptians did it and so can you. Reuse condoms!
16. Donations. Take a trip 'a deux to the plasma center. Afterwards, join the other customers for a pint of Thunderbird in the park next door and watch the sun set over the aluminum recycling center.
17. Coupons. Yeah, nothing says romance like coupons.
18. Bookstores. Go book-browsing together. Better still, go book-stealing! They'll never suspect wholesome bores like you.
19. "Personal lubricant". Buy your KY in bulk containers and offer to share with a neighbor. Who knows what might develop??
20. Hobbies. Stay home, pop some popcorn and surf dating sites together and make fun of other people. It make you feel like less of a loser.
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